All at once, I began to run with my heart all out and as fast as I could. I felt my lungs trying to pop through my ribs, making a way for air. My legs and feet started to get the numb with the pain the earth held for a long long time. “You are tired,” a voice, somewhere in the back of my mind reiterated the words.. so I closed my eyes hoping to get away from the frustrations. I continued running without knowing where to go. I perceived my soul running into my veins.
This time, I realized it was never any part of my system who wanted to run because when I opened my eyes with a blur, I saw you. Even with all the pain in me, I endeavored to come close to your dashing and beautiful soul… but after a blink of an eye, you were long gone.
Many years ago, I can always depict love as standing on the edge of the cliff with the immensity of stars in the clear sky like it was there to be a blanket for the whole world. The stars were always magical for me; however, the thought of jumping never left me. I was fearful and cynical in the mere idea of falling and not knowing what is at the end of the jump. I was similar to Rapunzel in Tangled even before she knew the whole world. I was as to Jamie when he said to Landon that he can never fall in love with her. I was everything in between. I was in pain, because I knew that it will always hurt no matter what I do next – may it be jump or go back home. I started to shiver and felt even more frightened; however, I started to notice you standing in the corner of the cliff.
In the blink of an eye, everything changed. You altered my metaphor at once. The picture of I standing on the edge of a cliff went on a surreal haze, then suddenly, I could sense the sunlight on my face, and the water made its way into my body. I become the shoreline as you transform yourself into waves. The thought of you going back and not getting tired justifies my euphoria. You never stopped asking, telling, pursuing, loving, missing and comforting me; likewise, you never left and I was never again alone.
The wind rustled through her hair and a part of her dress, her hazel nut eyes were in tears. She may be really broken but she felt the wind eating every part of her, taking her. Standing on the edge of the cliff, she felt fearless but afraid; ready but broken; decided but frustrated. After some time, she looked up then whispered to herself, “It’s time to let go.”
Her tears were streaming down on her cheeks.. she was shouting every fear, frustration, hurt, insecurity & disappointment that she had since day one. Physically and emotionally, she was on pain. She knew that there’s no better way. She heard her echoes, she heard her own pain, she realized how broken her voice was. She learned in her Science class that the heart has nothing to do with her emotions.. but at the cliff, while she was shouting, her heart was in pain.. more than pain. The wind carried everything & it never stopped.
After some time, she also allowed herself to let go & the wind to carry her.
She merely felt awkward with the whole party. She thought that they’re too obnoxious to dance like-there’s-no-tomorrow with the weirdest song she’ve ever heard. And she realized that she started to walk through the crowd; all of them, not noticing her because of how the music and party got their attention. She felt an euphoria of something waiting for her in the middle of the crowd. Her heart felt that longing for someone — or maybe something. She drifted her look from the crowd, and she saw him. She could hear her heart thumping, she thought that it would explode any second from now. They stood together for a long time, still, the crowd didn’t give any attention for the two of them. He moved closer to her, offering his hand. She didn’t know what to do. Then suddenly, she saw in his eyes what he really meant.
“Are you kidding? The music —“
But she stopped because of his look. She knew that he didn’t care about the music, party or people. She took his hand, and they started to turn in small circles. She felt the music in her heart, and she truly knew that he felt the same way, and hearing the same tune. The crowd that was near them them stopped dancing, staring at them as they dance, and they smiled wistfully watching the two turn in circles.
“You’re beautiful,” he whispered.
His words struck her.The moment, still intoxicating. And she realized that this is what she is longing for. And they closed their eyes, feeling the music inside their heart.
“And I couldn’t dream of anything better,” she said.
I know that there’s no such word as ‘us’ in our space. But I would be here. Not forever, but I would be here. Even if the skies get rough. I’ll be here… patiently waiting. I’m not perfect, but I’ll be good. I’ll be giving a soft pirouette to make you smile. I’ll give efforts. I made a precarious decision to not give up but I’m tough. I. Love. You. I’m losing words. Not knowing what to say. I’m scared. I’m scared that you’ll never respond. But at the end of this thing, I’ll never forget the word ‘us’. Never. Ever.
I typed. I prefer long letters but I just couldn’t. If I would try that… I would be hurt because I believe that I would be given nothing. I don’t know what to say. I just wanted to let you know. That I’m here. I’m still breathing. Longing for a bit of your time. To type the letters that I’m longing to see. That your name would appear in my inbox. It’s been weeks. I don’t know. Please. Two words would be fine. A ‘hi’ would make me smile.